It’s October. I sat down on the last night of September to take a look at the month ahead and found myself surprised at all of the medical appointments on my books. Breast MRI, breast specialist, dermatologist, orthopedic surgeon, regular family doctor…I’m seeing them all in October. It’s very probably that there will be more appointments to follow along with the ones already scheduled. Right off the bat things feel overwhelming.
I also haven’t been sleeping well. My back has been messed up for about three years, though it had improved leaving me with only intermittent problems until last month. Now every night the pain wakes me up sometime between three and five in the morning no matter what time I manage to fall asleep the night before (which right now is usually not before midnight.) When I don’t sleep well I tend not to take good care of myself. When I’m in pain (and you can add my knee to the pain list) I definitely don’t take good care of myself.
Tired, in pain, semi-miserable, and with a boatload of medical appointments upcoming I keep finding myself thinking about how I just can’t and don’t want to do this anymore. I want better. I deserve better. I also keep thinking about something I heard someone on television say in regards to the amazingness of the female body: we grow human beings. My body is in no way capable of growing a human being right now. And I really want to.
It’s a lot to think about, and I found myself being reminded of all of these things nearly every turn I took. When I turned a corner at Costco and found myself face-to-face with a copy of Whole30 by Melissa and Dallas Hartwig it felt like a sign. I’m not one for trendy diet things, but I bought the book and have been reading through it slowly since. I think it might offer me some structure and the push I need to put myself together. I have an important family function later this month (my parents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary is coming up) so starting immediately doesn’t work for me, but before October is through I will be jumping into the Whole30 plan. I want to see what happens. I want to get back to who I need to be physically.
I’ll keep you posted.