It’s said that the only thing constant in life is change and, boy, is that the truth. A few weeks ago, right before my trip to Southern California, my life changed in a way that resets normal.
I’m pregnant, due right around Thanksgiving. In the weeks since I found out and the days since the sonogram made it all real, I’ve been trying to process how I feel. This baby changes so much for me. It’s lead my family to have to confront its biases (my fiance is black, I’m white,) while leading me to explore my grief over losing my mother. Sunday, my first mother’s day without my mom was also my first mother’s day as a mom (to-be). It was a difficult and beautiful balance for me, sadness and excitement. I really wish I had my mother to call and ask some of the random questions that wake me up at 2 am. This whole process is going to be bittersweet: my mother’s birthday was in November, too.
This isn’t going to turn into a mommy blog. I don’t pretend to have any expertise or great ideas or insight on this process. I’m still finding the balance between life as I know it and how to shift into life as it’s going to be. I’m going to screw up a lot. Right now? I’m not doing so great with the whole drinking enough water part of things and my baby registry is kind of a disaster. I’m just going to keep writing about my journey. We just have a new stop now.
What I do know? My mom always called me Kid and I loved it. I’m passing that on to my baby. I’m so excited to be your mom, Kid. I hope I make my you and my mom proud.