I’m back at work today. Maternity leave is over. I walked out of my apartment this morning and left my tiny son in the care of a close family friend and while I know he is safe, loved, and cared for I’m all kinds of a mess. Even if I’m doing a good job of not being one. It’s really weird to go from spending every single day being a mommy to devoting hours to being what you were before you were a mommy. I’ve tried to combat some of the weirdness by dressing a little nicer for work, putting on my makeup, and of course flipping through photos on my phone as I count the hours until I can head home (after a Target detour — our microwave decided to bite it yesterday) and snuggle my little guy.
But even though I am having separation anxiety and just want to go see my baby, I don’t exactly feel guilty about leaving him. That sounds really awful, but I promise it’s not. The big reason for that is because of how I’m going back to work. I changed my schedule so that even though I am going back to work I’m not putting him in daycare. I’m also spreading my work week over the weekends so that I’m with him during the week so very little changes for him except for more quality time with his daddy while I’m at work on the weekends. What I hope from this is that not only does my son get the best of me, but also that it shows him that I’m willing to make changes and sacrifices and work hard to make his life good. I hope to teach him about hard work and working to balance.
…I’m still counting down the seconds until I can get home to snuggle my boy.